Lately, I have been focusing alot on what Yoga has taught me.Where has it brought me to? Have I arrived? My journaling has been on this subject, this reality for me since I have arrived back from my Intensive training in Alaska. I decided I wanted to journal a bit on it tonight, with you.
I got in a discussion about fears with a new student to teaching. She is currently in a teacher training, and she had originally told me that she was taking the training to learn more about yoga, but would probably never teach. I didnt say much about her not teaching, because its her choice, what ever brings them to their practice or teaching is their path.When I asked her after a couple weekend trainings if she had reconsidered the idea of teaching, she said maybe. I asked what changed her mind. She started to tell me about why she didnt want to teach, and how fear and childhood rearing of fear had caused her to not be willing to make that journey of standing in front of others and be judged. I can empathise with her on so many levels of that, as I came from the same place.
But why? Why do we fear being judged so much. This subject has been nagging at me for some time. Matter of fact I taught a bit about that in a Satsang I lead in Alaska. About moving through fear to get to our goals. Little did I know it was a lot about what I am still working through.
As a teacher, it did not come natural. I've always had a fear of standing in front of people, my entire life. The practice of Yoga got me through that. Yes, there are times I still worry about it, when I sub a class, or take on a new one, or have a lot of new people come to class. This will always be a part of me. But I have come to accept that, and in some ways embrace it. Its not as scary as it used to be. But the reality is that I also still fear what others think of me, more so now, are my peers. Those that i teach with, that I look up to, that I have trained under, that are fellow instructors, and the world of Yoga.
I realized recently that I had held myself back from growth, over this fear. Afraid of what my teachers would think, what my fellow instructors would think. Was what I saying in fact the truth? Tonight, and a few other nights have hinted at just that. But tonight it really became clear. The answer to my question, the answer to my problem. Was I really speaking the truth? I am confident as a teacher, i teach what I know. I continue to study and learn, because I want to speak the truth. I never wanted to be that teacher that harmed someone in class, because I felt that would be a failure. I would fail at what I am passionate about. So i have continued to throw myself into my studies, always learning, always training. But the trainings were only a part of what I was learning.
Today I posted this picture on my yoga Facebook page. My question to my students and is still to my students "What would you correct about this pose?" At first, I was worried about what my peers would think about this question. I worried about what they thought of my teachings. But then I realized that I got exactly what I was supposed to get from my trainings and my teachers,I got exactly what I was supposed to get for right now. I still feel the answer is correct for my style of teaching. But that doesnt mean the pose is wrong. It just means, that what I feel is true to how I teach still remains. Yes, it may not be as important in other practices of yoga. Remember we all come to the mat for different reasons, and different lessons. There are some who will debate this pose one way and others another way, and that is what is so beautiful about us as human beings. We have our own opinion, we have our own experiences. What works for one person, may not work for another. If you are a parent, you understand this very well, especially if you have more than one child.
So what I learned today, is that its not about the pose, or what I think is correct. Its about honoring my own truth and where it is right now. So what I think from my own experiences, is exactly just that. My experiences have taught me this, this is what I have learned, this is what I am teaching, this is the true and authentic me at this moment. It is not wrong. It is me. And today I am speaking my own authentic truth. I welcome other people's opinions and truths for what they are. Not with anger, not with hostility, but with compassion for someone else speaking their truth. I will not assume that someone else is speaking from a hurtful place, but rather their truth.
What I realized even more, was that deep in my heart, I already knew this. I love and admire my teacher trainer. She has taught me so much, but what she taught me most, and I hadn't really realized until recently, she taught by example, from the clarity of her own truth. She taught love, she taught this true and authentic teaching, she taught me by example, that I can reach this place to. She is true to herself, she is authentic, she speaks her truth with compassion and humility.
With this knowledge, this new understanding of myself, I feel more confident with what I speak about. I will have more confidence about the topic of my conversation. I can move forward with my own words and with my own thoughts, and continue teaching from a new sense of confidence and humility. I can grow as a teacher, and reach my goals. The only person that can stop me is me. And I am sure not going to get in my way.
Thank you to everyone on my path that has helped me reach this point. To the teachers that have shared their journeys, and have accepted mine. To the trainers that have taught me how to be a real yogi. To the students, who inspire me Always to continue my own growth as I help guide yours. To the universe for this wonderful blessing to grow and get to know myself and you.
With love and light,
Namaste,
Kris Myers
I got in a discussion about fears with a new student to teaching. She is currently in a teacher training, and she had originally told me that she was taking the training to learn more about yoga, but would probably never teach. I didnt say much about her not teaching, because its her choice, what ever brings them to their practice or teaching is their path.When I asked her after a couple weekend trainings if she had reconsidered the idea of teaching, she said maybe. I asked what changed her mind. She started to tell me about why she didnt want to teach, and how fear and childhood rearing of fear had caused her to not be willing to make that journey of standing in front of others and be judged. I can empathise with her on so many levels of that, as I came from the same place.
But why? Why do we fear being judged so much. This subject has been nagging at me for some time. Matter of fact I taught a bit about that in a Satsang I lead in Alaska. About moving through fear to get to our goals. Little did I know it was a lot about what I am still working through.
As a teacher, it did not come natural. I've always had a fear of standing in front of people, my entire life. The practice of Yoga got me through that. Yes, there are times I still worry about it, when I sub a class, or take on a new one, or have a lot of new people come to class. This will always be a part of me. But I have come to accept that, and in some ways embrace it. Its not as scary as it used to be. But the reality is that I also still fear what others think of me, more so now, are my peers. Those that i teach with, that I look up to, that I have trained under, that are fellow instructors, and the world of Yoga.
I realized recently that I had held myself back from growth, over this fear. Afraid of what my teachers would think, what my fellow instructors would think. Was what I saying in fact the truth? Tonight, and a few other nights have hinted at just that. But tonight it really became clear. The answer to my question, the answer to my problem. Was I really speaking the truth? I am confident as a teacher, i teach what I know. I continue to study and learn, because I want to speak the truth. I never wanted to be that teacher that harmed someone in class, because I felt that would be a failure. I would fail at what I am passionate about. So i have continued to throw myself into my studies, always learning, always training. But the trainings were only a part of what I was learning.
So what I learned today, is that its not about the pose, or what I think is correct. Its about honoring my own truth and where it is right now. So what I think from my own experiences, is exactly just that. My experiences have taught me this, this is what I have learned, this is what I am teaching, this is the true and authentic me at this moment. It is not wrong. It is me. And today I am speaking my own authentic truth. I welcome other people's opinions and truths for what they are. Not with anger, not with hostility, but with compassion for someone else speaking their truth. I will not assume that someone else is speaking from a hurtful place, but rather their truth.
What I realized even more, was that deep in my heart, I already knew this. I love and admire my teacher trainer. She has taught me so much, but what she taught me most, and I hadn't really realized until recently, she taught by example, from the clarity of her own truth. She taught love, she taught this true and authentic teaching, she taught me by example, that I can reach this place to. She is true to herself, she is authentic, she speaks her truth with compassion and humility.
With this knowledge, this new understanding of myself, I feel more confident with what I speak about. I will have more confidence about the topic of my conversation. I can move forward with my own words and with my own thoughts, and continue teaching from a new sense of confidence and humility. I can grow as a teacher, and reach my goals. The only person that can stop me is me. And I am sure not going to get in my way.
Thank you to everyone on my path that has helped me reach this point. To the teachers that have shared their journeys, and have accepted mine. To the trainers that have taught me how to be a real yogi. To the students, who inspire me Always to continue my own growth as I help guide yours. To the universe for this wonderful blessing to grow and get to know myself and you.
With love and light,
Namaste,
Kris Myers
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